Proverbs Thirty One: Thirty

{July 28, 2009 -- 12 weeks}

Psalm 119:57, 73, 76
You are my portion, O Lord.
Your hands made me and formed me.
May your unfailing love be my comfort.

Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Today we found out we were going to miscarry our baby. God, I pray that I would remember the above verses -- that you would be my portion and my comfort. Thank you that you had a plan for this baby's life and it was set before he came to be. God, I know this baby was fearfully and wonderfully made and you know every piece. Thank you for the miracle of children and I get to experience the miracle of motherhood every day. God, I pray for strength, health, and support for the events to come.

{August 3, 2009}

Psalm 138:2
... and I will praise your name for your love and your faithfulness.

God, I think the only true comfort to me today is that I know that you are a good God and you had a plan for this baby's life before we even knew of him. I know you are holding our baby in your arms today. Thank you that you are a loving and faithful God. I thank you that you had my heart in mind for this day and you knew this was the best plan for my baby's life and mine. God, I'm encouraged that you are my Father and you know the pain as a parent hurts for their children. Thank you that I am your child -- I know you hurt as you see me hurt. I pray you would continue to show your love and compassion to me and always be in pursuit of my life.

Psalm 139:1-5
O Lord, you have searched me and {you know me.} You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. Your discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; {you have laid your hand upon me.}

{August 4, 2009}

Psalm 121:2,3,7-8
My help come from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
...he who watches over you will not slumber.
The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

{August 19, 2009 -- Today}

God is good. God is good. God is good! When we walked out from our 2nd ultrasound, just having found out our baby no longer had a heartbeat, the song that was such a comfort to me during my first pregnancy and labor, Lincoln Brewster's "Everlasting God" was playing.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God You reign forever
Our Hope our strong Deliverer

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
The everlasting God
The everlasting

The song is based off the verse {Isaiah 40:28-31}

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
{He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.}
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; {but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.}
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

God was with me there in that moment. He knew my pain and he was there to comfort me. He is a loving Father.

So hard. Having already had a perfect first ultrasound at 9 weeks, our thoughts ran wild for our hopes and plans for this baby.

But God continued to be good.

Isn't it funny how when you start to drift from God, he is there to bring you back -- to bring you in more intimately. He is a pursuer. Again, thank you Lord for always pursuing my life, even when I am not wholeheartedly pursuing you.

Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement during this hard time for our family. And thank you women who have also been there at some time for your advice and encouragement! I love you women! Here are some encouraging thoughts I could hold on to...

- God has a beautiful baby in his arms ... and a beautiful plan for your life.
- I've often asked God to just keep my baby(s) in heaven if it'd be better for them to be with Him than have some sort of hard life-long issue, or instead of me losing them later in their childhood or something.
- I remember the song "Blessed be your Name" totally changed meaning for me after my miscarriages. I guess God was teaching me that he is praiseworthy in the good and the hard times as His character is unchanging.
- "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8
- "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort." 2 Cor. 1:3-4
- It makes us realize the miracle of Breyton and the little ones we have had.

We love you all.